Self Control
by IsabellaKate
Summary: Bella Swan-Cullen, a newborn vampire; struggles in pain and confusion. Thinking everything will be easier by living an immortal life with Edward Cullen, isn't the way it worked on her first few days as a newborn.


_**Disclaimer**_: _I do not own The Twilight saga. All characters and mentioned names was created and belong to Stephenie Meyer._

_**Note**_: _This is not the continuation of my first fan fic, "Taking Courage". Bella's now a vampire. After her first hunt in the forest woods, Edward told her that she needed a break. Her self-control for blood-thirst, her worries about Reneé and Charlie, her arguments with Jacob, being away with Renesmee and other stressful stuff at home._

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><p><strong>CHAPTER ONE<strong>

The couple went to their room. Layed themselves in Bella's bed. Bella still likes sleeping, yet it doesn't took longer hours of sleep like a human's.

"I thought being a vampire's not giving you a total headache." Bella said while holding her forehead.

"Headache? You mean like...migraine?" Edward laughed, joking around her wife.

Bella looked up and seriously answered his husband. "...You know that's not what I mean."

"Relax, Bella. You're just days old of being a newborn. Vampires and humans also have in common, you know."

"Like...what?"

"Again, self-control, Bella. Vampires doesn't only control their blood-thirst, but also their temper. If you can't control your anger or you can't deal with it, then probably you might hurt someone...anyone." Edward said like Bella was her pupil.

"...Huh, self-control. I just...I don't know...don't feel really comfortable. Is this normal? Have you been to this stage when you were days old as a newborn?" Bella asked Edward curiously.

Edward smiled. "Of course, but not as temperamental as you are, love."

Bella sighed. "This feeling like, I'm really, really annoyed. I can't just stay in one place, I wanted to go someplace where I could unwind. I want to be with my daughter, but I can't; You guys also won't allow me to. I told you, Edward; I'm not gonna hurt her, Renesmee's our daughter; what makes you think I would do such thing?"

Edward frowned and positioned himself facing his wife. "Bella, we already discussed about this. You want me to repeat the same words again?"

Bella seemed depressed about it, she feels like no one understands the way she's up to right now. "You just don't understand it, Edward. Look at it this way, Rosalie, Esme and Alice; when they were changed as vampires, they don't have any child, right? So it's easy for them to let all things flow according to what's right in the laws of the vampires; or, to put it simply, I am now a mother, Edward. Your wife, the mother of your only child. It burdens me to stay away from her because you think that it's possible that I, her mother can hurt her?"

If Bella could cry, she'd probably bursting into tears now. Edward comforted Bella by hugging her tight. He might understand some facts about Bella missing Renesmee, but still, they have to protect them both from danger. Edward thought of an idea that would help Bella feel like everything is new, exciting and somewhat _adventurous_ for a girl who just turned into a lady.

Edward stood and sits beside Bella. "...How about visiting Paris?"

"Paris? What for?" Bella seemed surprised about Edward's question.

"Well, you know. Unwind, relax, taking a vacation trip, Shopping, music..."

Bella weirdly thought of Edward's idea. What does he want now?

"...You want us to stay away for a while?"

"Actually, it's not "_us"_ that I'm talking about. Honey, you should take a break...for everything." said Edward, touching Bella's cold face.

Bella quickly removed Edward's hand from her face. "That's impossible! You know that we can't let ourselves be apart, right? Right now, I can't come near my daughter and seems like she's really far away from me, and now; you're asking me to stay away and let ourselves be apart?"

Edward frowned and stared at Bella's crimson-red eyes. "It's not what I meant."

"You know what, I'm getting through with this. I...don't know anymore. I can't bear this!" Bella was really confused about everything, she has been really sensitive about things come and go. Bella stood up and went out of their room, Edward followed her, wondering where could Bella go.

"Bella, where are you going?"

They stopped at the entrance door, Bella breathing heavily. "I need...self-privacy, Edward. Please, let me go."

Bella opened the door and ran away to the forest. Edward didn't stopped her, for he thought that she really needs it. She needs to think and control her emotions, she needs to be on her own now. He smiled and whispered to himself "...That's exactly my point, Bella." and he smiled and he went back inside the house.

Bella running really fast and leaps from tree to tree and until she climbed the top of the tallest trees in Forks. Reminiscing her human memories with Reneé and Phil, her high school days with her human friends Angela, Jessica, Mike and Eric, Her close Quileute friends Billy, Emily, Seth and Jacob, but what she missed the most was her dad, Charlie.

Bella did not regret being changed from a clumsy human to a beautiful and strong vampire. Though, she admitted to herself that she missed some stupidly human things she does before. Like crying with herself, whenever she wanted to burst all her feelings out, be with her other friends, hang-out, sun-bathing with Reneé, and other stuff. This is a choice she made a few months ago and she'll have to deal with this, as she promised to her new family, The Cullens.

But things come unexpectedly; especially her daughter, Renesmee. It would be easy if she doesn't _lose_ her right after giving birth to her. For her family's perspective; it's not the feelings whom you should trust, but your instincts about how you put yourself safe from danger. It's just not easy as she ever imagined.

Bella realized she had became kind of selfish and her family's just sympathizing her. She thought of Rosalie, if she'd hate her more because of her acts lately. Bella went down on the tree and decides to go home and apologize to Edward first.

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><p><strong><em>Chapter Two will be posted later on, after a few hours. Still has a lot of work to do, LOL. :)) Sorry for cutting the thrill on, I promise to get back shortly. Thanks!<em>**

-_**Bells. ;)**_


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